YOUR VALENTINE’S DAY BLUES? – OUR THERAPISTS’ THOUGHTS FOR YOU
For many, Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love. For others, it may bring back painful memories or raise difficult questions. Gathering some of these questions, we asked our clinicians to provide their perspectives and answers. Here are some of their insights for you:
1. Q: All my friends are already dating and I don’t like being alone on Valentine’s Day. Is there anything I can do?
Our clinical psychologist, Alvin Tan‘s answer, “In my opinion, a meaningful life is about building enduring relationships. I would spend that time being with significant people in my life and enjoying those moments. Future relationships will eventually come, but the ones I have now are what matters more.”
2. Q: Is Valentine’s Day only reserved for lovers? What are your thoughts if I celebrate with my family instead?
Our clinical psychologist, Dr. Charis Geevarughese replies, “As I understand it, Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love. Most people celebrate romantic love on this day but I believe for those who would like to and chose to, celebrating being loved by family and the fact that you love your family is also a great reason to do it.”
3. Q: I have a crush on a guy and I want to ask him out for Valentine’s Day but having a girl ask a guy out is still rather uncommon. What are your thoughts on this?
Cathie Wu, our counselling psychologist, has this to say: Though acting against traditional conventions in dating may bring some discomfort, you are taking initiative to ask him out can also be seen as refreshing, creative, and intriguing. It sounds like you already know what you want but are held back by fear. Be fearless and unexpected, surprise him and see.
4. Q: My religion discourages me from celebrating Valentine’s Day but I still want to have a good time with my partner. What’s your perspective on this?
Dr. Johnben Loy, founder of Rekindle and marriage and family therapist, says, “Have you ever tried celebrating something vicariously through a friend? For instance, I don’t celebrate the holidays of all the religions in the world, but if I have a friend of a different religion, I can vicariously take part in the festivities through them. Try taking a photo with a friend who is receiving a rose this Valentine’s Day and delight in her smile and happiness while keeping true to your faith at the same time! As for your partner, can you not celebrate your relationship at any time? Since it’s not yet Valentine’s, let me send you both a virtual rose stem! @-}—— “
5. Q: I’m feeling left out when everyone else in school gets bouquets of flowers and chocolates and I haven’t gotten any. Is there something wrong with me?
Our marriage and family therapist, Jean Selvam, replies, “It’s easy to feel left out in school, however it is important to be strong and confident in yourself. Always remember that you are valuable. There are people in your life who love you even more than you realize… I’m sure you know who they are!”
6. Q: What can I do on Valentine’s Day if my partner has passed on?
Rekindle’s registered and licensed counsellor, Dr. Yeo Pei Li, says, “Valentine’s Day may not be easy for a widow or widower as Feb 14 may hold many precious memories. It is important to accept that Valentine’s Day will never be the same for you, despite the length of time you have lost your spouse. Hence, prepare your heart in advance, and if possible, schedule quality time with family and friends.”
7. Q: 情人节又来临了，我为何总是觉得孤单呢？请问我该怎么做以改变此情况？
余慧瑩 Phoebe Yee, our marriage and family therapist, has this to say: 你对这个情人节有所期待，要改变就要调整了！我相信你会过一个不一样的情人节，
8. Q: I want my parents to have a great date on Valentine’s Day. What can I do to surprise them?
Sudha Kudva, our registered and licensed counsellor, says, “You can think of something to do or talk about that allows them to enjoy themselves and each other’s company on that day. You know your parents best. I believe that Valentine’s Day should be used to express the softer, deeper feelings to different significant people in your life, be it your parents, your partner, your friends or any other meaningful people.”